[Banging]
HENRY: What the fuck is that?
Jimmy?
TOMMY: What's up? HENRY: Did I hit something?
TOMMY: What the fuck is that?
TOMMY: Maybe you got a flat?
HENRY: No.
TOMMY: What the fuck? You better pull over and see.
[Banging]
[Banging continues]
TOMMY: He's still alive. You piece of shit!
Die, motherfucker!
[Grunting]
TOMMY: Look at me!
[Multiple gunshots]
HENRY: As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a gangster.
[Big band tune plays, background]
"I know I'd go from rags to riches"
"If you would only say you care
"And though my pocket may be empty
"I'd be a millionaire
"My clothes may still be torn and tattered"
HENRY: To me...
...being a gangster was better than being president of the United States.
Even before I went to the cabstand for an after-school job...
...I knew I wanted to be a part of them.
It was there that I knew I belonged. To me, it meant being somebody...
...in a neighborhood full of nobodies.
They weren't like anybody else. They did whatever they wanted.
They parked in front of hydrants and never got a ticket.
When they played cards all night...
...nobody ever called the cops.
[Big band tune continues] "Must I forever be a beggar
"Whose golden dreams will not come true"
TUDDY: Tony Stacks. How are you?
HENRY: Tuddy Cicero.
TONY: Could this be the Canarsie Kid?
HENRY: Tuddy.
Tuddy ran the cabstand and the Bella Vista Pizzeria...
...and other places for his brother, Paul, who was the boss of the neighborhood.
[Chattering and chuckling]
Paulie might have moved slow...
...but it was only because Paulie didn't have to move for anybody.
TONY: It's your fault. RONNIE: You started it!
TONY: I started it? It's your fault.
HENRY: At first my parents loved that I found a job...
...across the street from the house.
My father, who was Irish, was sent to work at the age of 11.
He liked that I got myself a job.
He always used to say that American kids were spoiled lazy.
HENRY'S MOTHER: Henry! Watch how you cross!
Bring back milk!
HENRY: My mother was happy after she found out the Ciceros...
...came from the same part of Sicily as she did. To my mother...
...that was the answer to all her prayers.
I was the luckiest kid in the world.
I could go anywhere, do anything.
I knew everybody, and everybody knew me.
Wiseguys would pull up and Tuddy would let me park their Cadillacs.
Here I am, this little kid, I can't even see over the steering wheel...
...and I'm parking Cadillacs.
But, it wasn't too long...
...before my parents changed their minds about my job at the cabstand.
For them, it was supposed to be a part-time job. But for me...
...it was definitely full time.
That's all I wanted to do.
People like my father could never understand, but I was a part of something.
I belonged. I was treated like a grown-up.
TUDDY: Tell him 519.
HENRY: Every day I was learning to score.
A dollar here, a dollar there. I was living in a fantasy.
Did you have a good day at school?
HENRY: My father was always pissed off.
Pissed that he made such lousy money, that my brother Michael...
...was in a wheelchair.
He was pissed that there were seven of us living in such a tiny house.
Tell me about this.
HENRY'S FATHER: It's a letter from school.
It says you haven't been there in months.
In months!
[Henry's mother screams]
You're a bum!
Want to grow up to be a bum?
[Slapping and screaming]
HENRY: After a while, he was mostly pissed...
...because I hung around the cabstand.
He knew what went on there.
Every once in a while I'd have to take a beating. But by then, I didn't care.
The way I saw it...
...everybody takes a beating sometime.
I can't make any more deliveries.
What? You'll fuck everything up.
My dad says he'll kill me. Look.
Come with me.
TONY: Is that him there? HENRY: No.
RONNIE: How about him? HENRY: No.
HENRY: That's the guy... RONNIE: Get him.
TONY: Excuse me.
TONY: Scumbag. WISEGUY: Come here, you piece of shit.
[Smashing]
TUDDY: Know this kid? MAILMAN: Yeah.
TUDDY: Know where he lives? MAILMAN: Yeah.
TUDDY: You deliver mail to his house? MAILMAN: Yeah.
TUDDY: From now on, any letter from school to his house comes directly here.
Understand?
TUDDY: Another letter from school goes to that kid's house...
...in the oven you'll go, head first.
HENRY: That was it. No more letters from truant officers. No letters from school.
In fact, no more letters from anybody.
After a few weeks, my mother went to the post office to complain.
How could I go to school after that...
...and pledge allegiance and sit through good government bullshit?
[Rain pelting]
HENRY: Paulie hated phones. He wouldn't have one in his house.
TUDDY: Mickey called. Want me to call him back?
PAUL: All right, make the call.
HENRY: He got all his calls second hand. Then you'd have to call the people back.
TUDDY: Got a nickel? Get him on the phone.
HENRY: There were guys, that's all they did all day, was take care of Paulie's calls.
[Scattered conversation, pop tune plays in background]
For a guy who moved all day long...
...Paulie didn't talk to six people. With union problems...
...or a beef in the numbers...
...only the top guys spoke with Paulie about the problem.
Everything was one-on-one. Paulie hated conferences.
He didn't want anybody hearing what he said...
...or anyone listening to what he was being told.
Hundreds of guys depended on him, and he got a piece of everything they made.
It was a tribute, like in the old country, except they were doing it in America.
All they got from Paulie was protection from the guys trying to rip them off.
That's what it's all about. That's what the FBI could never understand.
What Paulie and the Organization does...
...is protect people who can't go to the cops. That's it.
They're like the police department for wiseguys.
[Smashing, glass shattering]
HENRY: People looked at me differently, and they knew I was with somebody.
I didn't have to wait in line at the bakery on Sunday morning for fresh bread.
The owner knew who I was with, and no matter how many people were waiting...
...I was taken care of first.
Our neighbors stopped parking in our driveway, even though we had no car.
HENRY: At 13...
...I was making more money than most of the grown-ups in the neighborhood.
I had it all.
[Roaring explosion]
HENRY: One day...
One day, some neighborhood kids carried my mother's groceries all the way home.
You know why?
It was out of respect.
What do you think?
HENRY: Aren't my shoes great?
You look like a gangster.
[Yells] They shot me. Help!
TUDDY: Henry, shut the door.
HENRY: That was the first time I had ever seen anyone shot.
Can't have that in here. Jesus Christ!
TUDDY: I can't have that in this joint.
HENRY: I remember feeling bad about the guy, but also...
...feeling maybe Tuddy was right.
I knew Paulie didn't want anyone dying in the building.
You're a real jerk. You wasted eight fucking aprons on this guy.
What's wrong with you? I got to toughen this kid up.
[Skipped item nr. 162]
[Upbeat pop tune plays, background]
HENRY: It was a glorious time.
And wiseguys were all over the place.
It was before Apalachin and before Crazy Joe...
...decided to take on a boss and start a war.
It was when I met the world.
And it was when I first met Jimmy Conway.
He couldn't have been more than 28 or 29 at the time, but he was already a legend.
He'd walk in the door and everybody who worked the room just went wild.
He'd give a doorman $100 just for opening the door.
He'd give hundreds to the dealers and the guys who ran the games.
The bartender got $100 just for keeping the ice cubes cold.
JIMMY: The Irishman is here to take you Guineas' money.
PAUL: Want a drink? JIMMY: Give me a Seven and Seven.
PAUL: I'd like you to meet the kid Henry.
How you doin'?
Thank you.
Keep them coming.
HENRY: Jimmy was one of the most feared guys in the city.
He was first locked up at 11, and doing hits for mob bosses at 16.
Hits never bothered Jimmy. It was business.
But what Jimmy really loved to do... what he really loved to do was steal.
He actually enjoyed it.
Jimmy was the kind of guy who rooted for the bad guys in movies.
Give me your wallet.
You might know who we are, but we know who you are.
HENRY: He was one of the city's biggest hijackers...
...of booze, cigarettes, razor blades, shrimp and lobsters.
Shrimp and lobsters were best.
They went fast.
Almost all of them were gimmies. They just gave it up, no problem.
They called him Jimmy the Gent.
JIMMY: Help the lady.
HENRY: Drivers loved him. They used to tip him off...
...about the really good loads. Of course, everybody got a piece.
SCHOOL GUARD: Thanks, I'll be back for the rest later.
Henry, come here.
Say hello to Tommy.
You're gonna be working together, okay? Help him. Go ahead.
Jimmy, you got anything good?
HENRY: When the cops assigned a whole army to stop Jimmy, what did he do?
He made them partners.
I'd complain, but who'd listen?
HENRY: What do you need? CIGARETTE BUYER 1: Two Luckys.
TOMMY: Here you go, Henry. HENRY: Thanks a lot.
HENRY: What do you need? CIGARETTE BUYER 2: One Pall Mall.
DETECTIVE: What are you doing?
-lt's all right. -Says who? Your mother?
How many Pall Malls you need?
-Where'd you get the cigarettes? -Get him out of here.
-lt's okay. -lt's not okay!
HENRY: You don't understand.
DETECTIVE: You don't understand. Store's closed.
TOMMY: Henry got pinched. TUDDY: Where?
TOMMY: By the factory.
COURT CLERK: Henry Hill. The People of the State of New York vs. Henry Hill.
COURT CLERK: Docket #704162.
Yes, sir. That's me.
MOB LAWYER: Just stand there. Now stay there.
Counselor, proceed.
Congratulations.
Here's your graduation present.
HENRY: Why? I got pinched. JIMMY: Everyone does, but you did it right.
-You told them nothing. -I thought you'd be mad.
I'm not mad, I'm proud of you.
You took your first pinch like a man...
...and learned the two greatest things in life.
What?
JIMMY: Look at me.
Never rat on your friends...
...and always keep your mouth shut.
TONY: Here he is!
You broke your cherry!
[Shouting and applause]
TONY: Congratulations!
[Pop ballad begins] "Sometimes
"I
"Wonder
"Why I spend"
"The lonely night
"Dreaming of you so
"The melody was my reverie
"And I am once again with you"
[Ballad continues in background]
HENRY: By the time I grew up, there was 30 billion a year in cargo...
...moving through Idlewild Airport, and we tried to steal every bit of it.
See, we grew up near the airport.
It belonged to Paulie. We had friends and relatives who worked all over it.
They would tip us off about what was coming in and moving out.
If any truckers or airlines gave us trouble...
...Paulie's union people scared them with a strike. It was beautiful.
It was a bigger moneymaker than numbers and Jimmy was in charge.
Whenever we needed money, we'd rob the airport.
To us, it was better than Citibank.
TRUCK DRIVER: You got a phone? Come on!
Two niggers just stole my truck. Can you fucking believe that shit?
HENRY: There was Jimmy and Tommy...
...and me.
And there was Anthony Stabile.
Frankie Carbone.
And then there was Mo Black's brother, Fat Andy.
And his guys, Frankie the Wop...
...and Freddy No Nose.
And then there was Pete the Killer, who was Sally Balls' brother.
Then you had Nickey Eyes...
...and Mikey Franzese.
Jimmy Two-Times, nicknamed because he said everything twice.
I'll get the papers, get the papers.
[Ambient bar noise]
SONNY: What is this? Coats? I need suits, Henry, not coats.
Suits are up on Thursday.
But it's the middle of summer. What'll I do with fur coats?
HENRY: You don't want furs? I'll take them away.
No, I want them. We'll hang them in the freezer with the meat.
HENRY: For us, to live any other way was nuts.
To us, those goody-good people who worked shitty jobs for bum paychecks...
...and took the subway to work and worried about bills, were dead.
They were suckers. They had no balls.
If we wanted something, we just took it.
If anyone complained twice, they got hit so bad they never complained again.
It was all just routine. You didn't even think about it.
TOMMY: Frankie, what the fuck does 520...
...have to do with 469?
520 ain't even close to 469. What's that got to do with anything?
Piece of cake. Don't worry about the alarms. I just got to get a key.
HENRY: No problems? FRENCHY: I'll take care of it.
-Tell him what you were telling me. -Too good to be true.
Big score coming from Air France. Bags of money coming in.
FRENCHY: Americans change ...their money over into French money...
...and send it back here.
JIMMY: Calm down. FRENCHY: It's beautiful.
It's totally, totally untraceable.
Our only problem is getting a key, but I got a plan.
HENRY: Me and Frenchy and this citizen. FRENCHY: Yeah, he's a piece of work.
If I'm right, there could be half a mil coming in, all cash.
The best time is probably over a weekend. So maybe Saturday night.
There's a Jewish holiday Monday. They won't find out until Tuesday. Beautiful.
What about the security?
Security?
You're looking at it. It's a joke. I'm the midnight-to-eight man.
He just comes in like he's picking up lost baggage.
FRENCHY: It's beautiful. HENRY: It won't be a problem at all.
JIMMY: Good. FRENCHY: We're on.
What's really funny is that fucking bank job in Secaucus.
I'm in the weeds lying down.
He said, "What are you doing?" I said, "Resting."
"Here?"
[Wiseguys laugh]
"This ain't no beach or park." "I'm resting!" I said.
He pulls me in, starts asking questions. You know, this and that.
"What are you going to tell us?" I said, "My usual. Nothing."
"Why tell you?" The fuck. He says, "No, you'll tell me something today."
I said, "Okay, go fuck your mother."
[Wiseguys laugh]
TOMMY: Bing! Pow! Boom!
You saw the paper, Anthony. My head was out like this.
I'm coming around and who do I see in front of me?
This prick again. He says, "What do you want to tell me now?"
I said, "What are you doing here? I said to go fuck your mother."
[Wiseguys laugh]
TOMMY: I thought he'd shit.
Pow! Ping!
The fuckers. I wish I was big just once.
[Laughter continues]
Funny. You're really funny.
What do you mean, I'm funny?
It's funny, you know. It's a good story.
You're a funny guy.
You mean the way I talk? What?
It's just, you know. You're just funny.
You know, the way you tell the story.
Funny how? What's funny about it?
ANTHONY: Tommy, you got it all wrong. TOMMY: Anthony...
He's a big boy. He knows what he said. Funny, how?
Just, you know. You're funny.
TOMMY: Let me understand this.
Maybe I'm a little fucked up.
But, I'm funny, how? Funny like a clown? I amuse you?
I make you laugh? I'm here to fucking amuse you?
What do you mean, funny? How am I funny?
You know, how you tell a story.
No, I don't know. You said it. You said I'm funny.
How am I funny? What the fuck is so funny about me?
Tell me what's funny!
Get the fuck out of here, Tommy.
Motherfucker! I almost had him!
[Wiseguys laugh]
You stuttering prick, you!
Frankie, was he shaking?
I wonder about you sometimes, Henry. You may fold under questioning!
[More hysterical laughter]
What's with you? I thought I was getting pinched already.
He's on my neck like a vulture. What do you want?
This guy didn't want to give you the check.
Could you take care of this?
TOMMY: No problem. Tell him to put it on my tab.
That's what I want to talk to you about.
It ain't just this one. It's seven big ones you owe me.
$7,000, that ain't peanuts. I don't mean to be out of order...
It's good you don't like to be out of order, Sonny.
TOMMY: Embarrassing me in front of my friends, like I'm a deadbeat.
You're a mutt. You know the money we spend in this fucking...
SONNY: Don't be like that. TOMMY: Like what?
[Glass shatters]
[Wiseguys laugh]
Do you believe this prick?
You think this is funny?
What the fuck are you looking at? You fucking moron!
[Glass shatters]
TOMMY: You don't want to bring the check?
Do you believe this prick?
You're supposed to be doing this stuff, too.
You're a funny guy.
[More hysterical laughter]
That's it, Henry!
You want to laugh? This prick asked me to christen his kid.
I charged him $7,000.
HENRY: You really are a funny guy.
I'm worried. I'm hearing bad things.
He treats me like I'm a fucking fag.
SONNY: I got to go on the lam to get away from this guy.
This ain't right. I can't go here or there.
I talk to them a million times. They don't listen.
If you tell him, he'll stop. I'll wind up being declared M.I.A.
They'll find me in a car in the weeds.
SONNY: You've known this Tommy all your life.
This cocksucker's an arch criminal.
When I leave my house in the morning I look over both shoulders.
SONNY: This is no way to live. I'm no fence jumper.
-Tell me what to do, I'll do it. -What could I do?
If there was something I could do, I would. I'd like to help you out.
Tell him what we talked about.
Maybe you could come in with me, take a piece of this joint. It'd be good.
PAUL: What are you talking about?
You mean the restaurant?
It's a classy place.
You've been in here a million times.
Tommy taking over this joint is like putting a silk hat on a pig.
I don't mean any disrespect, but that's the way it is.
SONNY: I'm begging you. What can I say?
What am I going to do? What does he want from me?
I don't know anything about the restaurant business.
All I know is how to sit down and order a meal.
SONNY: Not for you. Just a place to hang.
The chef is great. The shows are good. There's a lot of whores coming in.
What do you want from me?
Tommy's a bad seed. What am I supposed to do? Shoot him?
That wouldn't be a bad idea.
I'm sorry I said that. I didn't mean it. It's just that he's scaring me.
SONNY: I just need help. Help me, please.
Know anything about the restaurant business?
SONNY: He knows everything. He's there day and night.
Another fucking few minutes, he could be a stool.
You want me to be your partner?
Is that what you're telling me?
What do you think I'm talking about? Paulie, please.
PAUL: It's not even fair.
SONNY: You don't understand.
You run the joint. Maybe I'll try to help you.
SONNY: God bless you, Paulie. You've always been fair with me.
HENRY: Now he's got Paulie as a partner. Any problems, he goes to Paulie.
Trouble with a bill, he goes to Paulie.
Trouble with the cops, deliveries, Tommy...
...he calls Paulie. But now he has to pay Paulie...
...every week no matter what.
"Business is bad? Fuck you, pay me. Had a fire? Fuck you, pay me."
"The place got hit by lightning? Fuck you, pay me."
[Pop tune plays, background]
Also, Paulie could do anything. Like run up bills on the joint's credit.
And why not? Nobody will pay for it anyway.
Take deliveries at the front door and sell it out the back at a discount.
Take a $200 case of booze and sell it for $100.
It doesn't matter. It's all profit.
Then finally, when there's nothing left...
...when you can't borrow another buck from the bank...
...you bust the joint out. You light a match.
HENRY: Do you need help reaching anything?
TOMMY: You look like you're decorating a Christmas tree.
TOMMY: She's from the Five Towns.
HENRY: Who?
TOMMY: The Jew broad. Diane.
I been trying to bang her for a month. She won't go out with me alone.
-No. -No, what?
No, what? Who asked you anything?
Wait to hear what I'm going to say.
All right, what?
She won't go out with ltalians alone. She's prejudiced against ltalians.
You fucking believe that? In this day and age? What is this world coming to?
I can't believe this. A Jew broad, prejudiced against ltalians.
She won't go out without her girlfriend. So you come along for her friend.
See? I knew it. I knew it.
What the fuck is wrong with that?
-When is it? -Tomorrow night.
I'm meeting Tuddy.
You could meet Tuddy. Come early and then go.
-Why do you always do this? -Don't give me that shit.
What did I ask you for? A favor. I do a lot of fucking favors for you.
I'm trying to bang this broad. Help me out.
TOMMY: I don't understand you. She's beautiful!
Her family lives in the Five Towns. These Jews got money.
Maybe the family owns the whole block. You may wind up with a big score.
HENRY: You with your fucking mouth!
[Tires squeal]
HENRY: I had a meeting with Tuddy at 11:00...
...and here I am a backup guy for Tommy.
TOMMY: Did you have enough to eat?
DIANE: It was delicious. I'm just watching my diet.
TOMMY: Let me watch your figure.
HENRY: I couldn't wait to go.
I was ordering dessert when they were eating dinner.
When they were having coffee, I was asking for the check.
Have some coffee. It'll wake you up.
Joe, can we have the check?
TOMMY: What are you doing?
HENRY: I got to go. TOMMY: We just got here.
I got that thing.
We'll leave together.
This way we don't go out like a bunch of hobos, one at a time.
KAREN: I couldn't stand him.
I thought he was really obnoxious. He kept fidgeting around.
You don't mind, do you? That's very annoying.
Good? You might prefer Manischewitz, but it'd look funny on my table.
[Tommy chuckles]
HENRY: Ready? TOMMY: Lighten up.
We just got here. What are you doing?
KAREN: Before it was time to go, he was pushing me into the car...
...then pulling me out. It was ridiculous.
Diane and Tommy made us promise to meet them again on Friday.
We agreed.
But when Friday came around, Henry stood me up.
I feel terrible. I don't know where he is.
He really liked you. All he did was talk about her.
KAREN: We were a trio instead of a double date.
He should have called. I hope it's nothing serious.
KAREN: But I made Tommy take me looking for him.
[Tires squeal]
HENRY: Tommy, what the fuck?
You got some nerve standing me up.
KAREN: Nobody does that to me.
Who do you think you are, Frankie Valli or some big shot?
[Wiseguys laugh]
I forgot. I thought it was next week.
It was this Friday and you agreed, so you're a liar!
We can talk about this.
Talk to you after what you just did to me?
KAREN: Forget it.
I thought you would stand me up. You looked bored. You didn't say anything.
HENRY: Let me make it up to you.
I'll think about it.
HENRY: I remember, she was screaming on the street and I mean loud.
HENRY: But she looked good. KAREN: I'll think about it.
But it'll cost you, Hill. A lot.
HENRY: She had these great eyes just like Liz Taylor's.
Hello, Henry.
-Ready? -Yeah.
HENRY: Come on.
KAREN: Wait a minute. HENRY: What?
KAREN: You have to cover that cross. My mother sees that...
KAREN'S MOTHER: Karen?
Mom.
KAREN: Meet my friend, Henry Hill.
How do you do?
My daughter says you're half Jewish.
It's just the good half.
[Pop tune plays, background]
HENRY: See you later.
KAREN: You're leaving your car?
HENRY: He watches the car for me.
It's easier than leaving it at a garage.
It's a lot quicker that way.
I like going in this way. It's better than waiting in line.
HENRY: How are you doin'? What's up? Here you go.
HENRY: How are you doin', Gino? GINO: Good. How are you?
HENRY: Every time I come here, I see you two. Don't you work?
[Pop tune continues playing, background]
"He kissed me in a way
"That I've never been kissed before
"He kissed me in a way
"That I wanna be kissed forever more"
[Ambient restaurant sounds, scattered conversation]
NIGHTCLUB CAPTAIN: Henry, nice to see you. Hi, how are you?
CAPTAIN: Anthony, right in the front.
Anything you need, let me know.
Tony, thanks a lot. I appreciate it.
[Greetings exchanged]
You gave them $20 each.
Henry, this is with Mr. Tony, over there.
HENRY: Where? CAPTAIN: Over there.
HENRY: Thanks a lot, Tony.
-What do you do? -What?
-What do you do? -I'm in construction.
They don't feel like you're in construction.
I'm a union delegate.
[Drum roll]
ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen...
...the Copacabana is proud to present the king of one-liners...
...Henry Youngman.
[Band music starts, audience cheers, whistles and applauds]
How are you all? I'm glad to be here. Take my wife, please.
[Audience laughs]
I take my wife everywhere but she finds her way home.
[More laughter]
YOUNGMAN: I said, "Where do you wanna go for our anniversary?"
She said, "Somewhere I've never been before."
I said, "Try the kitchen."
YOUNGMAN: Dr. Wellsler is here.
Gave a guy six months to live. Couldn't pay his bill.
Gave him another six months.
[Audience cheers, whistles, applauds]
I love this crowd.
[Applause]
[Pop ballad plays, background]
HENRY: Air France made me.
We walked out with $420,000 without using a gun.
And we did the right thing. We gave Paulie his tribute.
[Wiseguys laugh]
HENRY: Sixty thousand.
JIMMY: It's going to be a good summer.
[Wiseguys laugh]
I'm proud of you. That is a lot of money for a kid like you.
Anybody asks you where you got it, you got it in Vegas playing craps.
WAITER: Check, sir.
No. You have to sign for it here.
Should I tip him?
BRUCE: Hi, Karen.
-How are you? -Okay. And you?
KAREN: Henry, this is Bruce. BRUCE: Good to meet you.
I'll see you around later.
Do you know him?
Yeah.
He lives across the street.
BOBBY VINTON: [Sings] "Roses are red, my love
"Violets are blue
"Sugar is sweet, my love
"But not as sweet as you"
KAREN: One night, Bobby Vinton sent us champagne. There was nothing like it.
I didn't think there was anything strange in any of this.
A 21-year-old kid with such connections.
He was an exciting guy.
He was really nice. He introduced me to everybody.
Everybody wanted to be nice to him.
He knew how to handle it.
Don't buy wigs that come off at the wrong time.
Morrie's wigs don't come off!
Even underwater.
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MORRIE ON TV: Come in for a personalized fitting.
Morrie, Jimmy's waiting. You're past due.
MORRIE: I've been good to you.
But there's something unreasonable going on here.
Jimmy's being a ball breaker.
MORRIE: Give him 8-to-5 on Cleveland.
I never had to pay the vigorish he demands.
What am l, a schmuck?
You borrowed his money. Pay him.
I didn't agree to three points above the vig.
HENRY: What are you going to do? Going to fight with Jimmy Conway?
He wants his money. Give him his money and we'll go!
Fuck him!
MORRIE: Fuck him in the ear! Fuck him in the other ear!
Did I ever bust his balls?
I could've dropped a dime a million times.
HENRY: Don't call the cops. You're talking crazy.
JIMMY: You got money for that commercial!
[Henry cackles]
You don't got my fucking money?
Jimmy, he's gonna pay you.
I'll fucking kill you! Give me the money, cocksucker.
Pay me!
HENRY: He'll pay, he'll pay.
[Phone rings]
Morrie's. Who's this? He's here. Jimmy, I'm sorry.
You should be sorry. Don't do it again. Give me the fucking money!
[Yells] You hear me? Give me the fucking money!
I'll give you... You've got it, kid. You've got it, believe me.
Karen, slow down.
Where? Stay there. Don't move.
HENRY: It's Karen.
[Jimmy and Morrie continue bickering]
[Tires squeal]
HENRY: What happened?
[Karen sobs]
HENRY: What happened? Are you all right?
Who did it?
KAREN: This guy who lives across the street from me that I've known all my life.
He started to touch me. He grabbed me.
I told him to stop. He didn't stop.
[Sobs] I hit him back. And then he got really angry.
[Tires screech]
KAREN: He pushed me out of the car.
You sure you're all right?
Why don't you go inside and get yourself together. Clean up.
[Door slams]
What do you want, fucko?
[Bruce grunts in pain]
HENRY: I swear on my mother, if you touch her again, you're dead.
BRUCE'S BROTHER: Don't shoot.
HENRY: Hide this. Are you all right? Are you all right?
KAREN: Yes.
KAREN: I know there are women...
...who would have gotten out the minute their boyfriend...
...gave them a gun to hide. But I didn't.
I got to admit the truth: It turned me on.
[Metallic clanking]
RABBl: Mazel tov!
[Pop ballad plays, background]
"Will you take part in
"My life
"My love
"That is my dream"
[Scattered conversation]
TOMMY'S MOTHER: Why don't you be like Henry? He's got a nice girl.
He's settling down now. He's married.
Pretty soon he'll have a nice family.
TOMMY'S MOTHER: And you're still bouncing around from girl to girl.
KAREN: It was like he had two families.
The first time I was introduced to all of them at once, it was crazy.
Paulie and his brothers had lots of sons and nephews.
Almost all of them were named Peter or Paul.
It was unbelievable.
PAUL: Meet Paulie Jr., my nephew. And this is Petey.
KAREN: There must have been two dozen Peters and Pauls there...
This is Marie.
KAREN: ...all married to girls named Marie.
MARIE: She looks ltalian.
KAREN: And they named all their daughters Marie.
PAUL: And this is Pete. No, I mean Paulie. I get confused myself.
KAREN: By the time I had met everybody, I thought I was drunk.
[Ballad continues, background]
Paulie, you shouldn't have.
PAUL'S WIFE: Welcome to the family.
Sunday dinner?
TUDDY'S WIFE: So beautiful. I want to cry.
TUDDY: Here's something to help you get started.
KAREN: The bag. The bag. HENRY: What bag?
The bag with the envelopes in it, all the money.
Don't worry. Nobody's going to steal that here.
[Ballad continues]
"Will you take part in
"My life
"My love
"That is my dream
"Life is but a dream"
He didn't call?
KAREN: He's with his friends.
KAREN'S MOTHER: What kind of person doesn't call?
KAREN: He's a grown-up. He doesn't have to call every five minutes.
MOTHER: A grown-up would get you an apartment.
KAREN: Don't start. Mom, you're the one who wanted us here.
MOTHER: You're here a month...
...and sometimes I know he doesn't come home at all.
What kind of people are these?
KAREN: What do you want me to do? MOTHER: What can you do?
He's not Jewish. Did you know what these people were like?
MOTHER: Your father never stayed out all night without calling.
KAREN: Daddy never went out at all, Ma! Keep out of it!
You don't know how I feel!
How do you feel now? You don't know where he is or who he's with!
[Yells] He's with his friends! Dad!
Leave him alone. He's suffered enough.
He hasn't digested a decent meal in six weeks.
[Door slams]
[Dog barking]
MOTHER: Where were you? Why didn't you call?
MOTHER: We were worried! A married man does not stay out like this!
Mom!
MOTHER: Normal people don't act like this!
[Henry cackles]
MOTHER: What's wrong with you?
TOMMY: You're not normal. She's right! What's wrong with you?
What kind of person are you? What is the matter with you?
TOMMY: What kind of people are they?
[Tires screech]
KAREN: We weren't married to nine-to-five guys.
But the first time I realized how different...
...was when Mickey had a hostess party.
ROSIE: Karen, where you from? KAREN: Lawrence.
On the Island. Nice.
I'm from Miami. Ever been there?
It's okay, but it's like you died and woke up in Jew heaven.
Stop picking at that.
I'd like to smack his face.
The red-haired guy?
The guy's hands are all over me.
So I told him, "Keep your fucking hands off me, or I'll cut them off."
[Guests laugh]
She means it.
He's lucky. I just mention this to Vinnie...
How can you mention it? Vinnie'd kill him.
Vinnie'll kill the miserable bastard, then he'll be there for life.
Talk about problems. What about Jeannie's kid?
He was in an argument. A $10 card game. He pulls out a gun.
MICKEY: The gun goes off. Some kid gets killed. When the grandmother hears...
...she has a heart attack and drops dead.
Now Jeannie has a husband and son in jail and a mother in the funeral parlor.
PAUL'S WIFE: Jeannie drinks. SUSAN: Maybe she's depressed.
Give me a break. She's drunk.
As soon as something happens, you make them out to be saints.
KAREN: They had bad skin and wore too much makeup. They didn't look very good.
They looked beat-up. And the stuff they wore...
...was thrown together and cheap.
A lot of pantsuits and double-knits.
She spends her life in a nightgown.
The woman is no angel, believe me.
KAREN: They talked about their rotten kids...
...and about beating them with broom handles and belts.
And the kids still didn't listen.
When Henry picked me up, I was dizzy.
I don't know if I could live like that!
God forbid, what would happen if you had to go to prison?
Mickey said that Jeannie's husband...
Do you know why Jeannie's husband went to the can?
Because he wanted to get away from her.
Let me tell you something. Nobody goes to jail unless they want to.
Unless they make themselves get caught.
They don't have things organized. I know what I'm doing.
You know who goes to jail? Nigger stickup men. Know why they get caught?
Because they fall asleep in the getaway car.
Come on, don't worry so much, sweetie. Come here.
KAREN: After a while, it got to be all normal.
None of it seemed like crimes.
Henry was just enterprising.
He and the guys made bucks hustling while other guys...
...sat on their asses waiting for handouts.
Our husbands weren't brain surgeons, just blue-collar guys...
The only way they could make real extra money was to go out and cut corners.
Where's the strong box, you varmint?
Don't fucking move! Don't move!
ANTHONY: See you at the diner. TOMMY: I'm riding shotgun.
HENRY: Did you see him give it right over?
TOMMY: Back to the hideout to split up the loot.
[Gunshots]
[Henry yells and laughs]
KAREN: We were all very close.
There were never any outsiders around. Absolutely never.
Being together all the time made everything seem all the more normal.
SILVESTRl: Police.
DEACY: I'm Detective Deacy. This is Detective Silvestri.
We have a search warrant.
Would you read and sign it?
Anywhere?
DEACY: We have to go through everything.
KAREN: You want some coffee?
DEACY: No coffee now, thanks.
KAREN: Be careful. DEACY: We'll just go about our business.
KAREN: There was always a little harassment.
They wanted to talk to Henry about this or that.
They'd make me sign their subpoenas or warrants.
But mostly they just wanted a handout.
A few bucks to keep things quiet no matter what they found.
[AI Jolson sings on television]
I always asked if they wanted coffee. Some wives, like Mickey Conway...
...used to curse at them and spit on the floor.
On her own floor! That never made any sense to me.
It was better to be polite and call the lawyer.
SONG ON TV: "Don't cry, Pretty, don't cry
"Goodbye, Tootsie, goodbye"
[Group sings in unison] "Happy birthday to you"
KAREN: We always did everything together and were always in the same crowd.
Anniversaries, christenings. We only went to each other's houses.
The women played cards.
When kids were born, Mickey and Jimmy were the first at the hospital.
When we went to the Islands or Vegas for vacation...
...we went together.
No outsiders ever. It got to be normal.
I began to be proud that my husband was willing to risk his neck...
...to get us the little extras.
KAREN: But I got Mom to watch the babies tomorrow night.
HENRY: Can't do it. KAREN: Why not?
HENRY: I just can't. I got something lined up.
But tomorrow's the only night she can do it.
KAREN: Pretty please?
HENRY: I can't. What do you want me to do?
HENRY: I got to go. KAREN: Wait a minute.
KAREN: I need money to go shopping.
HENRY: How much?
KAREN: That much.
KAREN: This much. Give me a kiss.
HENRY: Here.
HENRY: See you later.
[Moaning]
All right.
[Pop tune plays, background]
"I always dreamed the boy I love would come along
"And he'd be tall and handsome, rich and strong"
[Pop tune continues, background]
VITO: Welcome home, Batts.
BILLY: Hi there. How are you?
Sit down. Have a drink. Give them all a drink.
And give those Irish hoodlums a drink.
JIMMY: There's only one Irishman here.
BILLY: It's a celebration.
JIMMY: Top of the morning. BILLY: It's good to be home.
This is my friend Jimmy.
Henry. It's his joint. This is Lisa.
BILLY: Tommy. All dressed up.
All grown up and doing the town.
TOMMY: Forgot you were having a party for him.
Come here.
I'll say hello. How are you, Billy?
I haven't seen you in six years.
Jesus Christ Almighty. You look terrific.
TOMMY: Watch the suit.
You little prick. I've known you all my life.
BILLY: Don't get too big on me. TOMMY: Just don't bust my balls.
If I was gonna break your balls, I'd say, "Go get your shine box."
[Laughter]
BILLY: This kid was great.
I used to call him "Spitshine Tommy."
He'd make your shoes look like fucking mirrors. Excuse my language.
BILLY: He was the best. Made a lot of money.
TOMMY: No more shines.
BILLY: What? TOMMY: No more shines.
You been away a long time. They didn't tell you.
I don't shine shoes anymore.
Relax. What's got into you? I'm breaking your balls a little, that's all.
BILLY: I'm only kidding with you.
Sometimes you don't sound like it. There's a lot of people around.
I'm only kidding. We're having a party.
I haven't seen you in a long time and you get fucking fresh.
BILLY: I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you.
I'm sorry, too.
Now go home and get your fucking shine box.
[Yells] Motherfucking mutt!
TOMMY: You fucking piece of shit!
Come on, come on!
He bought his fucking button! That fake old tough guy!
TOMMY: You bought your fucking button!
BILLY: Don't get nervous. TOMMY: You motherfucker!
Keep that motherfucker here! Keep him here!
Come on, you fucking feel strong?
Sorry. Tommy gets a little loaded. He doesn't mean any disrespect.
He doesn't mean any disrespect? Are you nuts?
Teach this kid a little fucking manners! What's right is right.
BILLY: You understand what I'm saying? JIMMY: It's alright.
We're hugging and kissing over here and then he acts like a fucking jerk.
You insulted him a little bit. You got a little out of order.
BILLY: I didn't. JIMMY: You insulted him a little.
-I didn't insult anybody. Give us a drink. -Okay.
Let's have some drinks. Drinks on the house.
No, have the drink with me.
The drinks are on the house.
BILLY: I fucked kids like that in the can. In the ass.
Fucking break up my party.
[Ballad begins]
"And the other so-called gods of our legends
"Though gods they were
"And as the elders of our time choose to remain blind"
JIMMY: You been away for six years. It's different now.
BILLY: I did my fucking time, Jimmy.
I came home and I want what I got to get. I got mouths to feed.
JIMMY: You're gonna get it. BILLY: You understand?
[Ballad continues in background, grunting, banging]
JIMMY: Get the door!
[Music crescendos as fighting sounds continue]
TOMMY: Let me shoot him in his big, fucking mouth!
Let's shoot him.
[Bang]
[Clanking of glassware]
JIMMY: Fucking mutt dented my shoes.
HENRY: His crew'll be looking for him.
This is bad. What do we do with him?
We can't just dump him on the street.
JIMMY: I know a place upstate. They'll never find him. More tablecloths.
I didn't want to get blood on your floor.
[Ballad continues]
JIMMY: Henry, go open your trunk.
TOMMY: We'll get a shovel at my mother's house.
[Car engine humming]
[Keys rattling]
TOMMY: She has a shovel somewhere. Quiet, I don't want to wake her.
[Door squeaks]
TOMMY'S MOTHER: Look who's here.
[Door closes]
What happened?
TOMMY: I hit something on the road. Jimmy'll tell you.
What happened to him?
JIMMY: How are you?
MOTHER: I haven't seen you in so long. What happened to him?
You, too. How are you?
JIMMY: Why are you up so late?
He came in. You came in. I'm so happy to see him.
Go inside. Make yourselves comfortable. I'll make you something to eat.
-Go to sleep. We're leaving. -I can't. Not while he's home.
I haven't seen him in so long. I want to see him.
You go inside.
TOMMY: This stuff is like lead.
MOTHER: Tell me, where you been? I haven't seen you.
You haven't called. Where have you been?
I been working nights.
And tonight we were out late.
We took a ride out to the country and hit a deer.
That's where all the blood is from. Jimmy told you.
It reminds me, I need this knife. I'm taking this, okay? Just for a while.
The poor thing.
We hit the deer and his paw. What do you call it?
The paw.
-The hoof. -Got caught in the grill.
I got to hack it off.
Ma, it's a sin to leave it there.
TOMMY: I'll bring the knife back.
Delicious.
Why don't you get yourself a nice girl?
I do, almost every night.
But get yourself a girl so you could settle down.
I do, every night. Then I'm free. I love you! I want to be with you.
Settle down.
MOTHER: How's your friend Henry?
What's the matter? You don't talk much.
JIMMY: Talk. What are you quiet for?
MOTHER: You don't eat much, you don't talk much.
HENRY: I'm just listening. TOMMY: Something wrong?
MOTHER: When we were kids, the compares used to visit each other.
There was this man. He would never talk. He'd just sit there all night.
They say to him, "What's the matter? Don't you say anything?"
He says, "What am I going to say, that my wife two-times me?"
So she says, "Shut up! You're always talking!"
[Men laugh]
But in ltalian, it sounds much nicer.
TOMMY: Cornuto contento. MOTHER: That's it.
It means he's content to be a jerk.
He doesn't care who knows it.
Did Tommy tell you about my painting?
Look at this.
JIMMY: It's beautiful.
TOMMY: One dog goes one way and the other goes the other.
MOTHER: One's facing east, the other west.
TOMMY: He's saying, "What do you want from me?"
The guy's got a nice head of white hair.
Beautiful. The dog looks the same.
Looks like someone we know.
[Jimmy and Tommy cackle]
Without the beard. It's him.
It's him.
[Cackling continues]
[Muffled banging]
[Engine hums, banging continues]
What the fuck is that?
HENRY: For most of the guys, killings were accepted.
Murder was the only way everybody stayed in line.
You got out of line, you got whacked. Everybody knew the rules.
Sometimes, even if people didn't get out of line, they got whacked.
Hits became a habit. Guys would argue over nothing.
Before you knew it, one was dead.
They were shooting each other all the time.
Shooting people was a normal thing. It was no big deal.
We had a serious problem with Billy Batts.
This was really a touchy thing. Tommy killed a made guy.
Batts was part of the Gambino crew and considered untouchable.
Before you touched a made guy, you needed a good reason.
You had to get an okay...
...or you'd get whacked.
[Ambient nightclub sounds]
[Greetings exchanged]
HENRY: Saturday night was for wives, but...
...Friday night at the Copa was for the girlfriends.
We saw Sammy Davis, Jr. You got to see this show. What a performer!
He does impersonations. It was like the real people!
Unbelievable. You could see how a white girl could fall for him.
What?
Not me. But you could see how some girls could. Like that Swedish girl.
So you condone that stuff.
HENRY: [Chuckles] Take it easy.
I don't want to be kissing Nat King Cole over here.
I don't mean me.
But, you know, he's got personality.
"Personality?"
He's talented. I understand what you're saying.
But watch what you say. People get the wrong impression.
I just said he was talented.
Just leave it alone now.
He's talented. Leave it at that.
[Pop ballad begins]
"Pretend you don't see her, my heart
"Although she is coming
"Our way
"Pretend you don't need her
"My heart
"But smile and pretend
"To be gay
"It's too late for running
"My heart
"Chin up if the tears
"Start to fall
"Look somewhere above her
"Pretend you don't love her
"Pretend you don't see her
"At all
"Pretend you don't see her, my heart
"Although she is coming
"Our way
"Pretend you don't need her
"My heart
"But smile and pretend
"To be gay"
[Excited chatter, ballad continues, background]
-Hi, Paulie. How are you? -How are you?
PAUL: No? Not even Uncle Paulie?
[Greetings continue]
What did you hear about that thing?
The Brooklyn thing?
The guy from downtown.
The guy from where Christie lived?
The guy who disappeared, the one they made the beef on.
Know the guy I mean?
His name was Batts.
PAUL: His people are driving everyone crazy looking for him.
Nobody knows what happened.
He came into the joint that night and then just disappeared.
Keep your eyes open. They're busting my balls over it.
-All right? -Okay.
PAUL: Okay, everybody, let's eat.
[Pop ballad plays, background]
MORRIE: I want my money.
MORRIE: I want my money. He owes it.
[Scattered conversation]
JIMMY: You know that thing we took care of upstate?
HENRY: Paulie was talking about that. JIMMY: We must move it.
They just sold the property to make condominiums.
-lt's been six months. -We got to move it right away.
[Clanging of shovel]
[Tommy grunts]
[Ballad continues, background]
[Henry gags and vomits]
TOMMY: Henry, hurry up. My mother's making fried peppers and sausage for us.
[Henry continues gagging]
JIMMY: Here's an arm. HENRY: Very funny.
JIMMY: Here's a leg. TOMMY: Here's a wing.
[Jimmy and Tommy chuckle]
TOMMY: What do you like, the leg or the wing?
Or you still go for the hearts and lungs?
[Henry vomits]
HENRY: Oh, that's so bad.
[Hissing of water spraying]
[Henry coughs, groans]
KAREN: Come on, girls.
KAREN: What happened to the car?
I hit a skunk, all right?
Go with your mother.
[Dog barking]
KAREN: It's disgusting, Henry.
HENRY: I set up Janice in an apartment near The Suite.
That way I was able to stay over a few nights a week.
My new antique lamp.
HENRY: Karen was home with the kids. She never asked questions.
JANICE: The furniture's all Maurice Valencia.
SANDY: Looks like Roma.
This is all silk. This is from Siam.
JANICE: Come see my bedroom.
JANICE: Tommy, will you take him? TOMMY: I'll eat this fucking dog tonight.
[Pop tune plays, background]
JANICE: Love that crystal ball or what?
This is where we spend most of our time.
[Linda chuckles]
SANDY: I love the floral arrangements.
French.
HENRY: Janice and I were having so much fun...
...she started screwing up at work.
I had to straighten out her boss.
HENRY: Janice can do what she wants to do!
Got it?
JIMMY: Just try to run. Hang up once more and you'll deal with me!
[Janice squeals in excitement]
FRIEND: Get off of her.
JANICE: You're an animal.
[Janice chuckles]
[Pop tune continues, background]
TOMMY: Spider, on your way here, bring me a Cutty and water.
FRANK: Did you guys eat? ANTHONY: I'm starving.
TOMMY: I'll play these. FRANK: You'll play those?
TOMMY: Do I stutter? I play those.
TOMMY: What am I? A mirage?
Where's my fucking drink?
SPIDER: You wanted a drink? TOMMY: I asked you for one.
I thought you said, "I'm all right, Spider."
Am I on a pay-no-mind list?
No, I heard someone say "Spider, Spider."
SPIDER: I thought it was Henry. TOMMY: You're a stuttering fuck.
You said, "I'm all right, Spider."
TOMMY: You ain't all right.
No, you said you were all right.
TOMMY: I am all right! You ain't, you prick.
You been doing this all night to me, motherfucker!
[All chuckle]
He wants a drink now? I'll bring it.
Get me a fucking drink! Move it, you prick!
TOMMY: You walk like "Stepin Fetchit."
For everybody else you run.
Run for me! Dance the fucking drink back here!
What's that Bogart movie?
TOMMY: Where he played a cowboy. ANTHONY: The Oklahoma Kid.
Oklahoma Kid. Shane? Oklahoma Kid, that's me.
[Screams] You fucking varmint. Dance!
Yahoo, motherfucker!
Round up those fucking wagons.
[Gunshots]
Now he's moving.
HENRY: Shot in the foot.
He's fine. So he got shot in the foot. Big fucking deal.
HENRY: Vito, get a towel.
Nice fucking game.
Take him to Ben Casey. Let him crawl like he crawls for the drinks.
JIMMY: Take him to the doctor down the street.
SPIDER: Bones are all shattered.
Don't get me upset.
Don't make a big fucking thing out of it, Spider!
You trying to make me think what I did here.
It was an accident.
TOMMY: Little fucking actor.
-You in? -I'm in.
-Eight hundred. -Eight hundred?
KAREN: You haven't been home in two weeks!
You're not going out tonight!
Will you grow up! I'm still going to go out!
Not without your car keys.
Are you nuts? What's your problem?
Yes! Something's going on!
-Stop with that. Enough! Stop with that! -No!
[Screams] I look in your face and I know you're lying!
[Glass shatters]
KAREN: Get out! Get out! HENRY: Shut up!
KAREN: [Screams] Out of my life!
You're fucked in the head. It's in your mind.
KAREN: You're a lousy bastard! HENRY: You got a problem.
Go to your ready-made whores. That's all you're good for!
KAREN: Get out of my life! I can't stand you!
[Henry screams and laughs]
[Scattered conversation and laughter]
HENRY: Spider, what's your rush?
HENRY: Thank you.
Spider, that bandage on your foot is bigger than your fucking head.
TOMMY: Next thing you know he'll have one of these fucking walkers.
But you can still dance.
Give us a couple of fucking steps, Spider. You fucking bullshitter.
TOMMY: Tell the truth. You want sympathy.
Go fuck yourself, Tommy.
[Exclamations and laughter from group]
JIMMY: I didn't hear right.
I can't believe what I heard.
This is for you.
[Group cackles]
I got respect for this kid. He's got a lot of balls.
Good. Don't take shit from nobody.
JIMMY: He shoots him in the foot and he tells him to go fuck himself.
[Group chuckles]
Tommy, you going to let this fucking punk get away with that?
What's this world coming to?
[Gunshots]
[Glass shatters]
TOMMY: That's what the fucking world's coming to.
TOMMY: How's that? JIMMY: What is wrong with you?
What is the fucking matter with you? Are you stupid or what?
I was kidding with you. Are you a sick maniac?
How do I know if you're kidding?
I'm kidding with you and you fucking shoot the guy?
HENRY: He's dead.
Good shot. I'm a good shot.
ANTHONY: Hard to miss at this distance.
You got a problem with what I did?
TOMMY: His family's all rats. He would've grown up to be a rat.
Stupid bastard! I can't believe you.
Now you're going to dig the hole. I got no fucking lime.
TOMMY: I'll dig the hole. I don't give a fuck. Is it the first hole I dug?
Not the first hole I dug. Where are the shovels?